“For we dare not classify ourselves or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. But they, measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.” II Corinthians 10:12 NKJV

Let me begin with a story once told me by a dear friend. There are these two women, for our purpose, we'll call them Mrs Nwaji and Mrs Biodun, who were brought together by their careers, working in the same Organisation, at the very top of their Careers, they eventually became close and were able to share some of their burdens and their moments of joy. Somehow, both women have been able to build their careers around their homes, jostling the two full-time careers i.e. their professional careers and their home with dexterity.

During one of their conversations, Mrs Biodun learnt that Mrs Nwaji still washed her husband's underwear. She was taken aback; she could not imagine how a woman at the peak of her career and so highly placed would still be washing her husband's underwear, at this age and time. What was she thinking, how could she bring herself so low to the level of a servant? Mrs Nwaji informed her friend that she could never do such a thing, she also advised her friend to stop the demeaning chore forthwith, and allow her husband to do his undies or get someone else to do the dirty job! Mrs. Biodun told her friend that she had stopped doing the undies for a long time and that the husband has long settled with it and has moved on.

Mrs Nwaji thought about what Mrs Biodun had told her. What could she do, her husband had given her no offence, how would she stop doing the washing, how would she pass the message across to her husband without being unnecessarily confrontational? So, she opted to just stay aloof, she would not say anything, she would not do anything.

So, the first week passed and the undies piled. The husband not noticing that anything was amiss called out to his wife, "I can't find any singlet to wear, they are all dirty." Mrs Nwaji made up an excuse, she had been so busy in the office that she completely forgot to attend to them. She urged the husband to get another set. Soon enough, the new set got finished, this time Mrs Nwaji did not allow her husband to search for a clean one to wear she just told him to buy another set, she couldn't attend to the dirty laundry as she promised, the husband obliged, not knowing that the wife had some other game she was playing.

Some weeks later, Mrs Nwaji while driving to the office one morning saw Mrs Biodun trying to cross to the other side of the road to board a vehicle. Mrs Nwaji hailed her friend, thankfully, she heard and she gave her a ride to the office.

“So what happened to your car?”  Mrs Nwaji asked her friend.

"Ha, the thing just refused to start this morning, cars and their wahala. There was nothing I didn't do. I had to just abandon it, I can't just come and go and ‘kee’ myself." Both laughed. Then Mrs Nwaji quipped, "But why couldn't you use any of the other cars you have, instead of darting about on the road like that? Mrs Biodun laughed, "Ha, which cars? I have only one car, and that's the one that broke down, the other cars you see are my husband's, nobody touches them except him, even if I have to climb 'okada', that is my own cup of tea. I only get to drive them on rare occasions and the breakdown of my car is not one of the occasions."

"Really?" Asked Mrs Nwaji
"Yes", she answered.

As they drove on, Mrs. Nwaji was lost in thoughts.  Her husband allows her access to any car she wishes to drive at any time, she does not have to bother her head about fixing any car, she does not even have contact of any auto mechanic and she has allowed her friend to confuse her. My friend and her husband understand themselves, that's the way they do their things. But my husband and I understand ourselves, and we do our things differently.  I'm going to borrow chaos if I bring a foreign principle into my home.'

Immediately Mrs Nwaji got home, she packed all her husband's underwear out that evening and washed everything, she did not bother to discuss the issue with her husband, it was not worth it.

I'm sure you got my drift from this short story. You see, sisters, we must learn NOT to do comparisons. You cannot have a successful life and marriage, if all you do is compare your marriage, or your home or your husband with another person's, You can’t even compare your marriage with that of your bosom friend. You will fight battles that are not meant for you, you will live another person's life, you will be restless, you will be insatiable, you will frustrate yourself and everyone around you and you will end up achieving the exact opposite of your desire.

So, if there is a lady you know whose husband takes her on shopping for the family in Dubai but your husband drives you to a boutique not too far from your house to buy wears for the children and you become impatient, you want to go to Dubai too, without asking yourself honest questions. In all honesty, do you think your husband can afford that without being unduly overstretched? He tells you to be patient, but you will have none of that. Do you know that if he eventually gives in to your demand, and takes you to Dubai, the taste may just become like gravel in your mouth, no longer enjoyable because your husband is not happy looking at what he passed through with you? So sis, how about taking it easy? Prov 20:17 says, “stolen bread tastes sweet, but it turns to gravel in the mouth.”NLT  My dear, it's not only stolen bread that can turn to gravel in your mouth, if you force your husband to get for you what he's not ready or can afford to give you, it may turn to gravel in your mouth.

Your undergraduate son is doing very well in a private university where you enrolled him but your colleague in the office and her husband just recently sent their son to Canada to study in one of the Universities. You have been beside yourself since you heard. Don't do that to yourself. You don't know for how long they've planned and prepared for it, you don't know how they were able to achieve it and you are only thinking that both of you attend the same Church, you are working in the same office, on the same Grade Level with the same salary. Have you considered that you are not in the same shoes at all? You have a mortgage that you are servicing, your friend and her husband are living in their own house without any encumbrance whatsoever. Your husband is a Civil Servant like you but your friend’s husband has a flourishing business. You also forgot that your colleague and her husband have only one child but God has blessed you with three children. Can you see now that it will be utter foolishness to continue to compare yourself with somebody else?

Am I advocating that you should not aspire for beautiful things or greater things? No, not at all! What I am saying is that you should run away from looking at things others have but you don’t have.  Instead of doing that, I advise that you go to the Lord and speak with Him, And the Lord who sees you when you pray in your closet will reward you openly. Check out what Matthew 7: 7-11 and James 1:5-8 and obey accordingly.

Matthew 7:11 says “So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him?” NLT. The question now is, do you know God as your Father? To be able to ask God for good gifts for yourself, for your home, you must know God as your Father and that is only possible through Christ, the only Way, the Truth and the Life, no one can get to the Father, except through Him John 14:6. Find your way to Jesus today. God Bless you, God bless your home!

By:Ojuola