Christiana Famro is an experienced Human
Resources/Civil Service Reform/Labour Relations Consultant with extensive
skills and expertise gained over decades of hands-on involvement at very senior
levels, in governmental (sub-national, national and centre-of-government) and
non-governmental (international development) organisations.
Between 2006 and 2016, Christiana held senior
management roles at DFID/FEPAR (as Civil Service Reform Lead - Nigeria: 2011 -
2016) and SERVICOM (as Chief SERVICOM Officer of the Federation & Head of
SERVICOM Institute: 2006 - 2010). In both roles – at FEPAR and
at SERVICOM, she successfully drove
forward Public/Civil Service HR/OD/Service Delivery reform efforts (including
Institutional Review/Restructuring and Strengthening for optimal performance),
focusing on strategic initiatives, especially in cross-cutting areas of HR
policies, procedures and guidance for the FGN/Federal Civil Service, working
closely with Federal MDAs, central Employee Management Institutions (OHCSF, OSGF,
FCSC, BPSR, NSIWC, MBNP) as well as with key stakeholders such as the FEC, the
NASS, NGOs/CSOs, diverse donor agencies and other non-state actors.
“You are the light of the world.
…Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and glorify
your Father in heaven.” (Matthew 5:14-16)
1.
Definitions:
-
Social graces
Social
graces are skills used to interact politely in social and business situations.
They refer to the general behavior and attitude of being kind, courteous and
civil to people. Social graces thus require the development of appropriate
social and interpersonal skills comprising acceptable etiquette, manners and
protocols.
- Social Skills
Social
Skills are behaviors that promote positive interaction with others and the environment
and help an individual understand and adapt across a variety of social and
business settings. Social skills help build essential character traits like
trustworthiness, respectfulness, responsibility, fairness, caring, and
responsible citizenship.
- Etiquette
Etiquette
is the customary code of polite behavior or contemporary conventions, governing
social behavior of a polite society. The purpose of etiquette is not to simply
prescribe the ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’ of polite behavior, the underlying objective
of etiquette is to produce polite, respectful people and ensure that people are
treated with, and shown respect.
-
Manners
Manners
are socially correct ways of acting as shown in widespread customs. They are
subset of social norms which are informally enforced through self-regulation
and social policing. Both etiquette and manners are based on common courtesy,
sincerity, and consideration for others.
-
Protocol
Protocol
is like etiquette but on a more official and international level. Protocol is
the etiquette of diplomacy and affairs of the State. Protocols take on a more
serious nature in that there are rules detailing how certain activities should
be carried out and how government and international officials must conduct
themselves.
2.
Biblical Basis of Christian Etiquette
- Lk.
2:52- And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and
man.
-
Matt. 7:12 – “Therefore whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them,
for this is the law and the prophets.” (The Golden Rule)
-
1 Cor. 13:5 – “Love is not rude, it does not dishonor others, it is not
self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
-
2 Cor. 5:20 – “We are therefore Christ’s Ambassadors, as though God were making
His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to
God.”
-
Phil. 2:4 - “Let each of you look out, not only for his own interests, but also
for the interests of others.”
- Eph.
4:32 – “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even
as God in Christ forgave you.”
-
Ps. 34:13 – “Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit.”
-
Prov. 19:9 – “A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who speaks lies
shall perish.”
-
Phil. 2:14 – “Do all things without complaining and disputing.”
-
Lev. 19:16 – “You shall not go about as a talebearer among your people….”
-
Tit. 3:2 – “….Speak evil of no man…..”
-
Prov. 25:16 – “ If you find honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your
fill of it and vomit it.”
3.
Social Etiquette
a)
When Meeting People:
-
Introductions.
-
Always rise as a mark of respect.
-
Use formal titles; Junior is
introduced to senior.
-
5S’s: Stand, Smile, See, Shake, Say.
-
Handshakes.
-
Handshakes is a gesture of
acceptance and welcome.
-
Shake hands whenever someone extends
a hand to shake.
-
When you shake, be brief, firm and warm
clasp.
-
Do not shake violently, or for a
long time.
-
Do not offer only fingertips.
Name
Cards
-
Hand them out with discretion.
-
Give and receive cards with your
right hand.
-
Always make a comment about a card
when you receive it.
-
Keep your business card up to date.
b)
Table Manners
-
Seating.
-
Wait to sit until host/hostess
indicates sitting arrangement.
-
Gentlemen sit after all ladies at
the table are seated.
-
Sit up straight at the table.
-
Do not touch anything on the table
until after the blessing.
-
Cutleries
-
Hold fork in left hand; Hold knife
in right hand.
-
Cut food with knife; Eat food with
fork.
-
Cut and eat only one bite of food at
a time.
-
Place knife and fork beside each
other on your plate, after main course.
-
Don’t leave spoons in cups or bowls
(put them on saucers or plates, instead).
-
Eating Soups
-
Sip from the side of the spoon.
-
Don’t slurp
Eating Finger Foods (e.g. Bread,
Rolls, Nuts, Fruits, Cookies, Small Cakes)
-
Place finger foods on bread plate
-
Break (don’t cut) your serving of
bread into pieces before buttering it.
- Napkins
-
Place napkin on your lap
-
Use your napkin to dab your lips,
catch spills, and cover sneezes.
-
Do not tuck your napkin under your belt.
-
Do not wear your napkin as a bib.
-
Do not blow your nose on your
napkin.
-
Conversation during Meals
-
Avoid controversial or private
topics.
-
Do not talk with food in your mouth.
-
Be a good listener; don’t interrupt.
-
Don’t laugh at others.
c)
Handling Invitations
-
RSVP
-
Reply to the hosts to let them know
if you will attend.
-
To decline, explain that you have a
conflicting duty or engagement.
-
Plan your timing so you can be
punctual.
-
For dinners and receptions, arrive
before the time on the invitation.
-
For weddings, arrive before the time
of the ceremony.
-
For church/ministry events, arrive
well BEFORE time.
-
Thank You Notes
-
Send the note within two or three
days
-
If you’re on an event planning
committee, send thank-you notes to everyone who helped.
d)
Respect for Others
-
Treat all people with the utmost
respect
-
Show reverence to seniors, elders,
parents, teachers, clergy and people in authority.
-
Be polite in conversation, do not
use slang.
-
Use the following often and
sincerely: Please; Thank you; you’re Welcome; Excuse me; I’m sorry; I beg your
pardon (do not say, pardon me).
e)
Grooming and Dressing
-
Grooming is fundamental: be well
groomed.
-
Dress like a professional: simple
but decent.
-
Hair should be clean and neat.
-
Wear clean, appropriate shoes.
-
Don’t be sloppy, scanty or indecent:
modesty is the word!
f)
Public Courtesies
-
Waiting in line.
-
Make up your mind before you join a
queue. Once you have joined the queue, stay in line.
-
Wait out your turn. Don’t even think
about cutting in line.
-
Offer your place in line to someone
who needs it more.
-
Never say you were behind someone in
a queue.
-
Wait for someone to be behind you
before leaving the queue if you must (and only very briefly).
-
Respect other people’s space while
on the queue.
-
Don’t be noisy.
-
Chewing gum.
Do not chew gum:
-
In meetings
-
In formal meetings
-
If you are hosting an event
-
If you are around food
-
During a Church service or program!
4.
Office Etiquette
a)
Meetings
-
Try to understand the importance of
the meeting. Prepare ahead. Never go blank.
-
Be on time. Going late for a meeting
is not professional. It is rude.
-
Never attend meetings without a
notepad and a pen.
-
Always keep your cell phone on
silent or vibration mode.
-
Be a good listener. Listen to what
others have to say. Wait for your turn to speak.
-
Sit as appropriate or wherever you find
a place.
-
Don’t run here and there. Don’t
distract.
-
Do not yawn even if you find the
meeting boring.
-
Speak politely and do respect your
colleagues.
b)
Listening
-
Communication is two-way and
involves your ears as well as your mouth.
-
Do more listening and learning, than
talking.
-
When your mouth is open, your ears
are closed.
-
Listening is an art, practice it
often!
5.
Telephone Etiquette
a)
When Making a call
-
Identify yourself.
-
If you dial a wrong number,
apologize for calling wrong number.
-
Don’t chew gum, eat, sneeze, cough,
or drink while on the telephone. Cover the mouthpiece/speaker to protect the
caller from such intrusions.
-
End the conversation by making an
uplifting comment that leaves the other person feeling good about the call.
b)
When receiving a call
-
Listen carefully, do not interrupt;
never be impatient.
-
If you wish to put the caller on
hold or on speaker, request his permission.
-
Close your conversation with an
appropriate salutation.
-
Let the caller hang up first.
-
If someone calls you by mistake,
inform politely that he reached a wrong number.
6.
Netiquette
a)
E-mailing
-
Be concise and to the point.
-
Use proper spelling, grammar, and
punctuation.
-
Don’t write in all CAPITALS.
-
Avoid using Bcc and Cc unnecessarily
-
Read the email before you send it.
-
Take care with abbreviations and
emoticons.
b)
Chatting/Blogging
-
Never forget that the person reading
the chat, mail or post has feelings that can be hurt.
-
Refrain from posting offensive,
obscene, vulgar, graphic content.
-
Never mail or post anything you
wouldn’t say to your reader’s face.
-
Adhere to the same standards of
behavior you follow in real life: be ethical.
-
Respect other people’s time and
bandwidth.
-
Post messages to the appropriate
group forums.
-
Try not to ask silly or personal
questions on group forums; inbox privately when appropriate.
-
Don’t waste reader’s time and
bandwidth by posting basic information or by repeating posts.
-
Resist the urge to forward every
post you receive; don’t be a nuisance.
-
Follow group rules, if you disagree
with the premise of a particular forum, just stay away.
7.
Jesus, Our Great Example
Christ
is our perfect example. He exemplified His own teachings with His life. He
manifested consistency without being inflexible, benevolence without being
weak, tenderness, and sympathy without being sentimental. He was highly social,
yet He possessed a reserved dignity. His temperance never led to prejudice or
severity. He was not indifferent to the wants of the least among men. He was
awake to the needs of all. He was always thoughtful and considerate of others,
always self-denying. He came bearing the signature of heaven, not to be
ministered unto, but to minister. His life was the perfect pattern of humility,
industry and obedience. He is social graces personified.
8.
We must not hinder the Gospel of Christ (1 Cor. 9:12)
-
The Gospel is a glorious revelation
of grace. It is a message from a gracious God to a world of sinners, by which
God informs them of a Saviour, invites them to be saved by Him, and promises
salvation to everyone who trusts in him.
-
By the Gospel, God works to convert
sinners, comfort sufferers and sanctify saints.
-
Christians are little ‘Christs’, the
only Bible many people will ever read. We are bearers of the gospel, the Good
News of Jesus’ sacrificial life, death and resurrection that reconciles sinners
to our loving God.
-
We are to cherish this Gospel,
declare it, make it known, illustrate it, spread it, promote it and beautify
it.
-
God forbid that we “should hinder
the Gospel of Christ” through our lives and living, because the Gospel of
Christ may indeed be hindered by bad manners!
Dr. (Mrs.) Christiana Famuro
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