God said, “It is not good that man should be alone, I will make him a help meet for him.” Gen 2:18. KJV.
I particularly love the way NIV renders the same verse: “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Another version of the Bible says: “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make a helper who is just right for him.” NLT
It was not good for the man, Adam, to be alone, so He created a help ‘meet’ for him, help that was suitable for him. God could have created another man to keep Adam company, but He knew that another man would not be a help suitable for him. He could have called forth a boy, at least there would be someone Adam would order around, send on errands to the farm or field or feed the animals, God didn’t do that either. But God made woman out of the man, intricately woven, ESSENTIALLY DIFFERENT from the man in every aspect. I’ve heard people say that Adam was created from raw material, but Eve was made from finished product. I can’t agree any less. So God knew and very much appreciated what He was doing when He created a woman out of the man, for the man. Marriage is God’s idea.
Have you noticed that there is a definite article ‘the’ in the three versions of that verse quoted above? That means, the help being talked about here was for a specific person, particularly for Adam and for no other. Well, arguably, Adam was the only man on earth at that time but see, God decided to replace a rib with flesh in Adam’s anatomy. And what did He do with the rib He removed? He made a woman with it. Do you realize that God could have made a woman from something else? He didn’t because God had suitability with Adam in mind when he made the woman. When the woman was presented to Adam, he said, “this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” In essence, Adam was saying, “Finally, this one is like me, we can be together and do things together.”
I know many of us must have read all kinds of books on marriage prior to being married or in the marriage itself, but the truth of the matter is, how many of them are as practical as to make sense to someone who is desperately in need of practical help? Some situations will not wait for you to open up that book about ‘three steps to having peace of mind in your marriage’, or call a mentor up for a piece of advice that is so right. At such desperate times, what can you do? What will you do? The only reasonable thing to do is to go to God, the creator and originator of marriage.
Now to every woman, a personal relationship with Jesus cannot and should not be taken for granted, it is as important as life itself. I make bold to say that a relationship with Christ is even more important than the relationship of marriage itself. You see, a woman must be able to stand on her own to receive instructions from the originator of marriage. As we are distinct from one another in personality and character so are our marriages with their own peculiarities. What constitutes a problem to a sister may not be anything to worry about with another. Meanwhile, solutions to marriage problems proffered in books, talk shows, altars are kind of blanketed, and generalized, they have to be adapted to suit your purpose. Thus, if you are not well grounded in Christ, adaptation becomes a problem by itself. You cannot operate optimally with ‘hands-me-down’ instructions. ‘My pastor told me’ alone will not suffice as far as real issues of marriage are concerned. So, you’ll have to learn to personalize all instructions through the help of the Holy Spirit. You cannot afford to base your relationship with God on that of your husband. Receiving from God should not be left to family altar alone, you must have a time when you are alone with God all by yourself to receive instructions directly from Him. You must be able to receive from the Author of life Himself, the Author of Marriage, from God who gave you as a help that is just so right for your husband.
You see, there is no point telling you that there will be times when you have to shed personal tears in your marriage. I said ‘personal’ because they are tears you don’t want anyone to see, not even your husband or closest friends. So, who wipes away those personal, secret tears? Who tells you ‘sorry’ and ‘don’t cry anymore’? The little experience I have, has taught me that even at those times, you would still wish someone would be there to say ‘sorry’. That is why you need someone who you can confide in, tell your secrets to, without that trepidation of being embarrassed or being condemned.
You cannot begin to compare one month in marriage to two years of courtship. Marriage is an entirely different territory, so you need the author himself to show you the way. There have been times when I’ve told God, “I am angry, I am very, very angry”, and God still listened to my ranting. There is a way you’ll know that God is listening, after your ranting, you’ll find peace, God gives you peace, not like the world gives.
What
am I saying? Whether you are married or about to get married, you need Christ,
you need to cultivate a relationship with Him. If you have one already, then
continue in it, if it needs to be horned, do just that. But please don’t just
float, it is dangerous! All you need to do is just to sincerely invite God that
you desire a rich, ongoing relationship with Him and watch Him take you through
what is important for you to receive from him, to be a HELP SUITABLE, HELP THAT
IS JUST RIGHT!
Ojuola is a mother of three, she resides in Abuja. Please send all Counseling needs to: Countdownyouth@yahoo.com
First published in Vol 17 No.4 COUNTDOWN MAGAZINE. www.countdownmag.com
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